Learning From Others...

(***First off, just a little side note (and I'll probably mention this for the first few posts so please just bear with me, but)...for those of you who have just logged into this blog, the first post I've written--if you'd like to scroll down--explains everything going on!***)

They say "When it rains it pours!" I'm sure we've all heard that expression, right?! Although this statement can be very true (that when one thing happens, at times another thing happens, and then another and another) but, to me, it sounds like such a negative thought and expression. Just think of this, what happens when it rains....isn't it fun to just dance in the rain? What about sitting inside curled in a blanket and watch the rain through the window just come down (while we're safe and protected from it)? Or the fact that the rain helps things grow--flowers, gardens? I agree with each of these thoughts as well!

I will fully and whole heartedly admit that I am so not optimistic all the time and I definitely have my break down moments!!! It helps me when I take a step back though and try to look at things differently, so I thought it would be helpful and beneficial for me to write this blog as well as to inform and keep everyone up to date. Yesterday and this morning I had a few of those "break down moments" and frustrations but there are always things--like with the rain statement above--that make me see things differently, and I'm so grateful for that! So here's the updated scoop and how this "when it rains it pours" theory ties into all of it!

We'll start out from Tuesday evening...Right now, I'm in a wheelchair the majority of the time unless I have to get up, I use my walker, or if I'm being stubborn and just "need" (my version of need--it's called 'tired of laying down and sitting down') to be up for a minute and I just hold onto things and walk a VERY short little distance. Well, Monday evening I decided I was going to hurry and take a quick shower (I usually will take a bath right now so that I can just lay down--not standing), and when I went to wash the bottom of one of my feet, I obviously was not thinking, lifted my foot up (thus putting all my weight down on my leg that's the worst), and pain ripped through around my knee!!! I hurried and got done so I could get it out and sit down, and I realized as I was done and just sitting there that my leg would not stop hurting, so I remained between my wheelchair and bed the rest of the night. My mom and I also had a discussion that night about school. I am currently taking 2 independent study classes, and then the new semester just started and I was registered for 2 online classes. Knowing that I was probably going to have to have surgery at least on my right knee and then not knowing what was going to happen for the rest of the joints, my mom was concerned that this many classes was not in the best interest for me. For those of you who don't know, I really enjoy school, and right now it's like a little get away for me too, so withdrawing from classes it especially hard for me! Needless to say, that night was a break-down moment! I sat and talked with my mom for awhile about things...how frustrated I was that doing things as simple as trying to shower and I hurt my joints, that I need to withdraw from classes and it will put me another year until I apply for grad school, how tired I get with using the wheelchair because I can do things so much faster without it, and I was just having a complaining night! My sweet mom though just sat and let me complain, she listened, and just agreed with me when I kept saying "this sucks!!!" I love her and don't know how I'd make this without her!

Wednesday, yesterday, came and the pain was still there, a tiny bit of range of motion was gone (really not too much, but I have excessive range of motion anyways so it didn't look like much), but I was having horrible pain up in my thigh, down my lower leg, and it was very tender to touch along the bones. My sweet sister, Jill, drove me up to school to go to a psi chi (honors psychology club) meeting, and so she pushed me inside and then the elevator was right there so I was just going to push myself to the elevator, to my meeting, and then just kind of around the building and hang out until my mom came to get me. (My family is SO SWEET to drive me around since I haven't been able to drive since like Jan/Feb!)

Well, after my meeting I pushed myself outside and sat under a tree to study for a little bit. I thought about pushing myself to the Student Services Bldg, but I looked at the hill and knew it wasn't happening--my arms were hurting and exhausted already! So while I was sitting under the tree this guy came up to me and asked if I'd been pushing myself around all day, I said yes, he asked where I was going, I mentioned that I thought about going to the Student Services Bldg, and he replied 'I'll push ya!'  Are you serious?! This total stranger came up and offered to push me, how sweet is that?!!! Then, that night, a couple ladies from my church came over and brought me a fleece blanket that the women and young women in my ward had made! And today, my sweet Aunt Julie drove up from Salt Lake just to spend a few hours visiting with me and keeping me company! I just felt and feel so blessed and loved! All of these little tender mercies continually surrounding me!

So this is where we get to my saying at the beginning and how my whole 'theory' of it and how it all ties in! Rather than seeing it as: "When it rains it pours," which is definitely what I was seeing the night I just vented and complained to my mom...crying and being frustrated about I don't want to withdraw from classes, I'm tired of getting hurt and hurting more by doing something as simple as taking a shower, what if I go off the steroids and my adrenal glands have more problems, I'm tired of the steroids and all their oh so lovely side effects (the huge weight gain, blood sugar and blood pressure going up and down, the osteonecrosis now, and everything...although the steroids have allowed me to blame like everything on them! haha!), I'm tired of using a wheelchair, and all sorts of stuff! I know, I feel bad for my mom for having to listen to to me too; but she's SO WONDERFUL and just listens, agrees with me when I keep repeating the statement 'this sucks' or 'it's not fair,' and cries with me...I love my mom!!!

Instead, the rain is nice to watch, fun to dance in, and helps flowers to grow! The rain is obviously our trials, so think of all those good things that come from and during our trials! I've been blessed with COUNTLESS tender mercies!!! 1-The guy who stopped and pushed me to the Student Services Bldg, the people from my church who made the blanket and brought it to me, my Aunt Julie coming up, my family driving me all over, and my mom always being there for me...these (and many others) all teach me love, compassion, and service for others! 2-As I've gone through things my testimony of faith and prayer have been strengthened--I know that prayers are answered!!! 3-I'm realizing that my trials help to make me who I am today, that I'm stronger because of them, and that I wouldn't change that! 4-I am so truly blessed!!! I have a place to call home, indoor plumbing, heating and air conditioning, food on the table, the opportunity to further my education (even if it takes me extra time to get done), the religion I believe in, the health and strength I do have (I can still see, hear, talk, laugh, and do many things), and AMAZING family and friends!!!! As I've read your guys' comments that you had wrote on facebook and now on here, it brings to my tears to my eyes!!! I feel so loved, supported, your guys' strength, and I want you each to know how much it means to me....THANK YOU!!!