This is Just Hard...

So I apologize if this is not quite as positive and things as I've tried to keep my other posts! But right now, I need to say that all of this, all of this NOT FUN, NOT COOL stuff going on (the arachnoiditis, the ehlers danlos, the osteonecrosis, the adrenal gland problems, withdrawing from school, selling my car, and everything) is just HARD, it's overwhelming, and sometimes I just get so frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed, and yes, I cry and vent!!! I know that so many people have told me that I'm "always so positive," that "I always have a smile on my face," or so many things like that and I truly appreciate all your kindness; but let me tell you, I am so just like everyone else!!! Somedays I do okay and I can manage things pretty good, but other days it's just too hard and the smile and things aren't always there--instead there are tears, there's frustration, and there are some sweet people who sit and listen to all of it....you know who you are, thank you!!!
In my last post I had mentioned how I was in the hospital for like 4-5 days trying to get the pain under control because of things just building and hurting so much. Well, last week I ended up in the ER! When I taper down on my steroids, I usually feel okay the day I go down and then the next few days (to the next week sometimes) I don't feel well. Well, Tuesday (the 9th I guess it would've been) I dropped my steroid dose down to 7.5mg, Wednesday I didn't feel real well, Thursday morning my mom woke me up before she left for work to bring me some of my medicine and I still wasn't feeling real great so I went back to sleep, and I woke up later that morning feeling HORRIBLE! I called my mom and told her that I needed some help--that I needed someone to take me to the doctor or the hospital or something. My aunt and uncle came to pick me up and drove me straight to the ER where we met up with my mom. So the doctor did lab work and things and talked with the endocrinologist. Anyways...long story short, all my lab work looked good except my cortisol level for my adrenal glands--still not working! So the endocrinologist talked with the doctor and said that they needed to double my dose of steroids back up--so back up to 15mg for a few days then I could go down to 10mg; but instead of tapering each week, I'd have to stay on 10 for like 2 weeks, then to 7.5 for 2 weeks, and then to 5 and we'll see; and do lab work the first of November to check some different adrenal levels and stuff....Ugh!
So yes, the craziness has continued! I finally broke down the last few days and just cried because I felt so overwhelmed with everything, everything being outside of my control, hurting so much, frustrated that they can't fix the arachnoiditis due to things from the osteonecrosis and they can't take care of the osteonecrosis due to being on the steroids because of the adrenal glands and I can't get off the steroids because the adrenal glands won't "wake up" and start working properly, and just wishing that someone/the doctors could do something to make things better! So yes, I'm like everyone (well, at least I hope others are like this too and have their own break down moments where you just get overwhelmed and cry), things have just been hard, and this, well as I apologized at the beginning, is my more updating post but venting at the same time!